no more debby downer

new hair color, sad face. I'm not doing well with grieving. a few of you understand by my erratic posts, it's obvious. so i go Tuesday, to a doctor for "happy pills" for hopefully only a brief while to pull me up long enough to gain some real perspective. And it's like pulling teeth for me to go but I have to. o'well, i admit it. heartbreak is a real bitch. it's going on a year now of almost daily tears. that's not right and i am sick, and sick of it.

he's been playing with my head here lately and I've been so down I allow it. telling me what a wonderful new woman he has and what a wonderful new best friend she is (if she were a great friend that house of his would not look like a pigs pen) and in the same breath tells me he is still in love with me wants to be back with his old girl and wants to take Megan and I out on the new boat he has. Yeah, that's the mess I need to get caught up in. Let's just nail one more in the coffin.

I think he just does like the fact that one day and one day soon I'll be dating. He thinks he owns me. He needs to think again. he needs to stop telling me he loves us that so I can get well. it forced me to block his calls, again. and no we cannot be friends, I was hoping we could, don't ask what for, again logic & reason have left my building. my head knows it will never work it's just getting my heart to agree with my head that's the struggle. wow. i feel sorry for the new girl in his life. he's already cheated on her and his feelings for her are only to keep him occupied. how sad for her. He is her problem now to deal with.

You're not an Honorable man Patrick. The only things you've proven to me pat in a year is that you've slept with many tacky women, you are incapable of being alone for more than 2 seconds, you're incapable of leading a semi sober life, and most sadly you proven to us that we're replaceable. we were just not that important to you. When you left me at Starbucks it felt like like I had been kicked in the stomach. I sat there in public... pushing back the tears. You know why. I won't allow you to continue to rub it in my face. You threw a woman and child out into the streets because you could not sober up. that's the real you. "I" was your best friend and the best friend you've ever had. You totally blew it. You know you did. You're just grasping for bandaids. you son's need help. they are both alcoholics and for that you are responsible.


this is my last sad post about this subject and within a month I will be better. today will be a great day with Megan. thank god for her. my rock.

I Don't Believe You Lyrics

I don’t mind it
I don’t mind at all
It’s like you’re the swing set
And I’m the kid that falls
It’s like the way we fight
The times I’ve cried
We come to blows
And every night
The passion’s there
So it’s got to be right
Right?

No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all

I don’t mind it
I still don’t mind at all
It’s like one of those bad dreams
When you can’t wake up
It loks like you’ve given up
You’ve had enough
But I want more
No I won't stop
Because I just know
You’ll come around
Right?

No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all

Just don’t stand there and watch me fall
Because I, because I still don’t mind at all

It’s like the way we fight
The times I’ve cried
We come to blows
And every night
The passions there
So it’s got to be right,
Right?

No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all

I don’t believe you